Not my bad.

About half-way through this past school year I decided to ban my sixth- and seventh-grade English students from using that mea culpa of the new millennium, the phrase “my bad,” to admit to any kind of mistake or failure. This came right after I banned them from using the word “like” as if it were a kind of verbal punctuation mark (as in the typical middle schooler sentence: “Because, like, you know, like, I don’t, like, really like like him—I just kinda’ like, like him.”).

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Three friends die in a car accident,

and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, “When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, “I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor in my time and a great family man.”

The second guy says, “I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow.”

The last guy replies, “I would like to hear them say…‘Look, he’s moving’!!”

Pretty Good Joke Book (2000)[Mike Danforth, et. al., and Garrison Keillor (Introduction), A Prairie Home Companion Pretty Good Joke Book, (St. Paul, MN, USA: Highbridge Company, 2000), 64. The book is now in a fourth edition.]

I’m not addicted; I just have to have it.

Coffee - Is the planet shaking or is it just me?I think that I shall never be
Fully awake without coffee.

A cup my ready mouth does drink
Without which I can hardly think.

That java comes from God is true.
Why have a cup when a pot will do?

With ice in summer it’s so rare
That I should ever think to share.

And even though I’m far from snow
I want my steamy cup of Joe.

Blogs are made by goofs like me,
Who couldn’t write without coffee.

[Apologies to Joyce Kilmer (1886-1914). Image from VisionWorks.]